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The Foster Home System Damaged Me

“In Our Own Voices,” Week II

by DTES Power of Women GroupDebbie V

Image credit: MURRAY BUSH, FLUX PHOTO
Image credit: MURRAY BUSH, FLUX PHOTO

Also posted by isaac:

I was born in 1957 and in my early years I lived in a cabin with my mother and six siblings in Quesnel B.C. When I was eight years old, our mother took off and left us alone for three days. My younger siblings had no diapers and we were eating dry oatmeal. As a result, the neighbour called the Ministry of Children and Family Development (MCFD). When MCFD apprehended us and took us into their custody, we were all separated from one another except for one of my brothers and I who remained together.

 

I was brought up in 15 foster homes. Two of the homes I was in were reasonably okay, while in the others I suffered neglect, starvation, and physical and verbal abuse.

 

In the worst foster home that I was in, the foster father would touch me. When I was washing the dishes, he would come up behind me and touch my breasts and my genitals. I would tell him not to and move his hand away, but he would keep doing it. To this day I still get scared when people come up behind me.

 

The foster father would also sexually abuse my brother and me at night. We slept in the basement on hard cots with one sheet separating the two of us and we could hear everything that was happening to the other person. At the age of 12, I became pregnant as a result of the rapes by my foster father. When the foster father found out that I was pregnant because of him raping me, he forced my brother to have sex with me and then told the MCFD’s social worker that I was pregnant because of my brother. MCFD forced me to have an abortion.

 

Although that was the worst foster experience that I endured, it was certainly not unique. Sometimes foster parents would send us to bed without dinner, and then we would wait until we could sneak into the freezers at night. We hardly got any clothes, although all the foster families get clothing allowances from MCFD for us. Beatings were commonplace in a significant majority of the homes. In one foster home, I was beaten with belts and wooden sticks to my head. Today, I have a serious learning disability and I think my disability is due to the head injuries that I sustained from the beatings, compounded by Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

 

My entire childhood I was too afraid to sleep. I remember vividly all the nights I would lay awake and stare at the sky, wishing I could just fly out the window. I was even scared to have showers, because it would mean being naked and vulnerable.

 

My brother ran away. He stole food and clothes to survive, which landed him in jail frequently. When I got older I would run away as well, and I started drinking and doing drugs. I even tried to commit suicide by jumping over a bridge, but a passerby grabbed me and MCFD put me back in the same foster home. I could never understand why MCFD would keep putting us back in the same foster homes that we had to run away from. They must have known something was wrong, but they just ignored it.

 

I know that many other women have similar stories. Currently in BC, over 9,271 children are living in foster care, more than half of whom are Aboriginal. As a recent PIVOT Legal Society report concluded: “The child welfare system continues to fail to address the systemic factors impacting children’s well being, such as poverty, the legacy of colonialism and the lack of social supports for single mothers. We conclude that as long as those systemic factors are ignored, B.C.’s government is not in a position to claim that it is genuinely acting in the best interest of children.”

 

Recently, my brother and I tried to take these issues to provincial court. The court said they could not do anything because MCFD was not legally responsible for our mistreatment, abuse, and assault. They Court said that we would have to file criminal charges against each individual foster parent. But I believe it is the government’s responsibility for ensuring we were placed in an appropriate and caring environment after apprehending us.

 

My entire life has been affected by my apprehension and subsequent foster home experiences. I feel damaged and inadequate. I was not taught a lot of things that children learn in a supportive family environment, like cooking, cleaning, reading, and writing. I am upset that the Court never helped me seek justice. I am furious that social workers do not actually care for children, or believe them when they tell MCFD about the negative experiences in their foster homes.

 

Today, I am happy that I am alive. I have a good husband, three cats, a home and a life that I am grateful for. I have not done drugs or alcohol in years, and I still feel at home in the DTES. I have friends here who do not judge my disability and do not call me ‘slow’ or ‘stupid’. I am not stupid, I am a survivor.

 

Debbie V. is a volunteer at the Downtown Eastside Womens’ Centre and proud member of the DTES Power of Women Group.

 

This story is part of the Downtown Eastside Power of Women “In Our Own Voices” writing project. For more information and to read more stories, please visit http://vancouver.mediacoop.ca/author/dtes-power-women-group

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Comments

MCFD, Foster Care, and the Lack of Accountability

Thank you so much for this remarkable story from Debbie V., a very courageous woman indeed.  It is really sickening to read about how MCFD and the foster care system made this woman's life a living hell, all the while pretending to be her protector. 

MCFD needs to be held accountable, for all the pain and suffering they have caused.  I wish all these former foster children could sue MCFD.  These stories really help people to understand how horrific it is to be raised in such a system.  And how unjust and uncaring the system is. 

Please keep publishing these stories, Vancouver, and Canadians really need to know the truth.  And thank you so much Debbie V. for telling your story.  Congratulations to you for turning out so wonderfully, in spite of everything.  I wish you all the best!

the good foster homes

        It hurts to be taken from our parents, no matter what problems they had that made them unable to take care of us. It is extremely difficult to go to a new home with complete strangers. The family members of the children should always be considered first. But, people who don't know too much about the foster care system and only here about it on the news or in articles like this, don't here enough about the GOOD foster homes. I was in five foster homes growing up in the United States--California and Massachusetts. I also had to stay in a place where children wait to be placed to go into foster homes. My foster parents were all good to me and gave me experiences of what it was like to live with families who had enough income to do a lot of really fun and unique things that I didn't get to experience at home. I had one foster dad who would take me fishing, hunting, and for rides in his big 18 wheeler truck--he was a truck driver. He bought me my own little gun for hunting, even though I was only 7. Him and his wife gave all SIX of their foster children and THREE of their own children an allowance for chores, let me play video games, took us sledding......gave me my own black lamb right after it was born...I've always missed them, they were good people. I had another foster dad who would take me for rides on a four wheeler. Then another set of foster parents had a pool. I didn't get along with their daughter, but other than that it was alright. Another foster home I was in also had a pool and gycuzi. I remember another foster dad running into the room really concerned, when I'd had a nightmare and was screaming out for my mom. Their ARE alot of GOOD foster homes out there. .........Maybe they just need to run more background checks or check on the homes more to get rid of the bad ones. The worst experience I had was at the place where children waited to go to foster homes in Bakersfield, CA called the....Jaimasen Home (not sure if I spelled it right because I just remember how the name sounded). When they had me take off all of my clothes to check for bruises and they didn't believe me when I was telling them the truth about how the bruises happened. Then I had to sleep in a dark room alone, when I was six. I was so scared and would just pray. N one foster home didn't know my eyes were a lot bigger than my stomach. I always listened to what they said, so when they told me to finish my dinner, I would even though I was full. A couple times I threw up I was so stuffed, but they thought I just wasn't used to the kind of food they were having. Then I ended up gaining a bunch of weight. That's why I never make my children finish their dinner.............

I love the sharing of your

I love the sharing of your story...My husband has a similar one also.  It 's shameful to even think that in today's society me allow this to happen.

Nothing suprises me these days.  People are into themselves and monetary gain.

Peace be with you and I am glad you are sharing your story.

 

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